


I'll Be There For You

by Soofija



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Based On A Bon Jovi Song, F/M, Fights, Firewhiskey (Harry Potter), One Shot, Romance, Sad Ending, Sirius Black Lives, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-21
Updated: 2019-11-21
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:09:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21513568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soofija/pseuds/Soofija
Summary: I guess this time you're really leavingI heard your suitcase say goodbye
Relationships: Sirius Black/Hermione Granger
Comments: 1
Kudos: 25





	I'll Be There For You

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: Originally written in 2007, based on the Bon Jovi song "I'll Be There For You". It's also loosely based on the Scrubs episode "My Bed Banter & Beyond". That episode starts with JD and Eliot being happy together, but is then interspersed with scenes of their relationship falling apart, to end with a scene from the beginning of their relationship, when they are happy and hopeful. I thought it was an interesting story telling technique, and wanted to try my hand at it.
> 
> Disclaimer: If I were JKR or Bon Jovi, I probably would not be writing fanfiction. (Or would I...?) And in the interest of covering all bases, I don't own anything from Scrubs either.

The moment Sirius stepped through the front door, he knew something was wrong. Maybe it was his heightened Animagus’ senses, or maybe the fact that there was no response to his usual greeting. But most likely it was the suitcase just inside the door that he almost tripped over that made him sure.

“Hermione?” No answer. He dropped his cloak in a chair in the hall, and proceeded into the flat, checking first the kitchen, and then the sitting room without seeing a sign of her.

The sound of drawers being opened and closed made him climb the stairs, taking them two at a time, heading for their bedroom.

“Baby?”

Hermione was hurriedly walking between the cupboard and a second suitcase laying open on the bed, already half-full with her neatly folded clothes. She didn’t even look up when he entered the room.

“Baby, what are you doing?”

“I’m leaving,” she answered calmly, still not looking at him.

He fought to hide a smile, and leaned up against the doorframe comfortably.

“Is that so?” he asked softly. “And what’s the reason this time?”

She merely shot him a tired look, neither smiling nor frowning, and continued packing.

**_I guess this time you’re really leaving_ **  
**_I heard your suitcase say goodbye_ **  
**_And as my broken heart lies bleeding  
_ _You say true love is suicide_**

_They’d looked at each other from opposite sides of the room the entire evening. He’d been occupied the whole time, talking to friends, acquaintances, the press. Everyone had wanted to have a word with the infamous Sirius Black, and, after all, it’d been his ‘coming back from the dead’ party. And after so many years as an outcast, shunned by society, he had been thoroughly enjoying the attention. But he’d still felt her eyes on him almost the entire time, and he couldn’t help but notice the heated look in her eyes, the determined set of her jaw, her smile…if it had been anyone but Hermione Granger, Sirius would not have hesitated to call that smile ‘sensual’._

_But she’d kept her distance, even as the looks they’d continuously exchanged had become more and more heated. Until the band had called the final dance. Then, out of the corner of his eye he’d seen her toss back the last of her drink, and she’d finally crossed the room until she was standing in front of him._

“ _Got a minute to spare?”_

_She’d exuded confidence with her straight back and head held high, and the hand on her slightly cocked hip and that ever-present sensual smile were enough to make the best seductress envious. But Sirius had seen the way her smile had faltered slightly just before she’d stopped in front of him, had heard the tiny quiver in her voice. She’d not been nearly as confident as she’d looked, but somehow, that false bravado had worked better on him than anything else._

“ _For you, always,” he’d answered. Putting his glass down on a nearby table, he’d placed a hand possessively on her lower back, and had guided her onto the crowded dance floor._

_A moment later, he’d held her slight body in his arms, and they’d been swaying slowly in time with the music._

“ _Does it feel good to be back?” she’d asked, her brown eyes meeting his._

“ _Since I don’t know what I’ve missed I can’t really tell,” he’d answered with a wolfish grin. Leaning forward slightly, he’d breathed into her ear, “But right now, I’m rather enjoying myself.” The hand on her lower back had pressed her more firmly against him. “You look stunning tonight.”_

 _He'd seen her amused and flattered smile before she’d replaced it with a mock-offended frown._ “ _Why Mr Black, are you flirting with me?”_

_His grin had been downright smug. “Baby, if I were flirting with you, you wouldn’t have to ask.”_

“ _I didn’t. I was just making conversation.” She’d smiled innocently, and had started running her fingers slowly, lightly over his._

_He’d glanced down at their entwined hands, careful to keep his face neutral, but he knew she’d been able to see how he’d swallowed thickly. Meeting her gaze again, briefly, he’d started guiding her through the crowd towards the exit._

**_You say you've cried a thousand rivers_ **  
**_And now you're swimming for the shore_ **  
**_You left me drowning in my tears_ **  
**_And you won't save me anymore  
_ _Now I'm praying to God you'll give me one more chance, girl_**

A nagging suspicion was starting to grow inside him. Maybe she really was serious this time. Maybe she really was leaving. He determinedly pushed that feeling aside.

“Baby, just calm down and let’s talk about this.” He pushed himself off the wall and walked slowly towards her.

Hermione bowed her head low over the suitcase on the bed. “No, Sirius,” she sighed. “There’s nothing left to talk about. You won’t let me in anymore.”

“Let you in? Let you in _where_?” His temper was starting to rise, way too fast as always, spurred on by frustration at her distance. “You already know everything about me.”

“No, Sirius, I don’t.” She’d turned towards him. “You still have nightmares; I wake up to your screaming at night, far too often. And I try to comfort you, but you won’t let me. You push me away.” She looked down. “And I’m tired of fighting for a lost cause.”

He took a deep breath to calm himself. “Hermione, why are you so desperate to be let in? There’s nothing you can win by knowing everything about my dark past.”

Hermione looked sadly at him, and then turned around to close her suitcase. “If that is your opinion on the matter, we have nothing more to discuss.”

**_I'll be there for you_ **  
**_These five words I swear to you_ **  
**_When you breathe, I want to be the air for you_ **  
**_I'll be there for you_ **  
**_I'd live and I'd die for you_ **  
**_Steal the sun from the sky for you_ **  
**_Words can't say what a love can do  
_ _I'll be there for you_**

_He’d watched her sleep that first night, and during many of the nights that followed. What had started out as an alcohol induced one-night stand had continued as dating and great sex. They’d been comfortable in each other’s company, none of them voicing the possibility that this might be ‘the real thing’, just taking it day by day._

_Then one night, about three months after the party, he’d as always watched her sleep; he’d realised that watching her sleep for a moment, knowing that she lay beside him, had made Sirius himself sleep safer. And suddenly, it had hit him like a punch to the gut: for the first time since before James and Lily had been killed, he’d been happy. Maybe this could work out. Maybe they could really do this. This angel that lay beside him had shown she was willing to share his evenings, his weekends, and his bed, maybe she would be able to share his home, too, someday maybe even his life?_

_He hadn’t told her, of course. Life had taught Sirius Black the hard way not to show feelings, let alone feelings of any kind of love. Feelings were a weakness he could not afford. But he had asked her to move in with him, and that night he’d made love to her more tenderly than even he’d known he could._

**_I know you know we've had some good times_ **  
**_Now they have their own hiding place_ **  
**_I can promise you tomorrow  
_ _But I can't buy back yesterday_**

Looking back at that scene in the bedroom, he wished he’d slammed his fist against the wall, and started yelling at her. Perhaps that would have woken her up, would have made her drop that ridiculously prim Ministry voice that he knew she only used when she didn’t want to have to feel.

He wished he’d taken her by the shoulders, and shaken some sense into her. Maybe that would have brought back _his_ Hermione, who somehow had been replaced by this ice queen.

The thought even crossed his mind that if he’d just let her be, sat down on the couch with the paper and a glass of firewhiskey, maybe then she would have been provoked into some kind of action. Maybe that would have made _her_ yell at _him._

But most of all, above the yelling and the shaking and the distance, more than that he wished he’d taken her into his arms. Even if she’d pushed him away, hit him, kicked him, bit him, even if she’d just stood there, cold and unfeeling, he whished he’d held her, to feel her against him just one more time. For the last time.

**_And baby you know my hands are dirty_ **  
**_But I wanted to be your valentine_ **  
**_I'll be the water when you get thirsty, baby  
_ _When you get drunk, I'll be the wine_**

He followed her when she carried the suitcase down the stairs, and into the hall.

“I’m not perfect, Hermione,” he tried.

“That’s not the point, Sirius. No one is perfect, and if they were, I wouldn’t want them anyway.” She put the suitcase down on the floor next to the other one. “The point is that I’m starting to think that you are as far from perfect as anyone can be.”

“Is this about your birthday again? Because I already told you a hundred times how sorry I am. I really wish I could have been there, but…”

She sighed and started to put on her scarf. “No, it’s not about my birthday, I already forgave you for that. Sirius, I…” She actually stopped moving when she talked to him this time, actually looked at him. And he suddenly wished she hadn’t. “I can’t keep spending my energy and love on someone who can’t promise me a real future.” Her brow was furrowed, and her brown eyes were shining with unshed tears. “You won’t even tell me you love me.”

Sirius felt the helplessness wash over him. “Please, don’t ask that of me,” he pleaded. “I’m here for you, Hermione, whenever you need me. I’ll do anything you ask, _anything_ , just…just not…” He really sucked at expressing his emotions. “You know enough to know that what you ask of me is too much. Maybe one day in the future, I’ll be able to…to… But right now is too soon.” He swallowed. “Maybe one day. But right now, I can’t tell you what you want to hear.”

She put on her cloak. “I know,” she whispered. She pulled out her wand, and pointed it at her bags to levitate them. “That’s why I’m leaving. I need more. I _deserve_ more.” She opened the door with another flick of her wand, and, with one last look at him, she walked out.

**_I'll be there for you_ **  
**_These five words I swear to you_ **  
**_When you breathe, I want to be the air for you_ **  
**_I'll be there for you_ **  
**_I'd live and I'd die for you_ **  
**_Steal the sun from the sky for you_ **  
**_Words can't say what a love can do  
_ _I'll be there for you_**

Sirius flopped down heavily on the sofa with a glass in one hand, and a bottle of Ogden’s Old Firewhiskey in the other.

 _She’ll come back,_ he tried to convince himself. _She always does._ And it was true. This wasn’t the first time Hermione had walked out on him. It was more like the one hundredth. Mostly she’d just grab her cloak in the middle of one of their many fights, and Apparate to Harry and Ginny’s or to her parents’ to spend the night. But she’d always come back in the morning, and they’d kiss and apologise, and spend the rest of the day in bed, making love over and over until neither could remember anymore what they’d fought about to begin with.

The fact that she’d never before packed her bags, conveniently slipped his mind.

They always fought over the same things. Well, almost always. Sometimes they fought over really small, insignificant things, like when Sirius forgot to put his dirty socks in the laundry basket, or when Hermione went to see Ron or Viktor Krum, whom he _knew_ she was just friends with. But somehow, she always just ‘forgot’ to tell him. But sometimes they fought over really big things, like the fact that Sirius would never tell her he loved her. She couldn’t understand why. And he wouldn’t tell her.

The truth was so embarrassing that sometimes he hardly dared to admit it, even to himself. But the fact was, he was afraid that saying he loved her out loud would drive her away. And it would also make it all so much more real, it would mean he was in a real relationship. With someone who could, at any moment, be torn away from him.

He’d told Moony about it, once, and his only reply had been, “You need to grow up, Padfoot, or else you’ll lose her.”

Sirius hated when Moony was right.

Looking between his two hands, Sirius finally put away the glass and went straight for the bottle, taking a long swig. The liquor burned its way down his throat and he smiled. _A few more of these and she’ll be out of my mind._

**_And I wasn't there when you were happy_ **  
**_I wasn't there when you were down_ **  
**_I didn't mean to miss your birthday, baby  
_ _I wish I'd seen you blow those candles out_**

She didn’t disappear from his mind. On the contrary, the memory of their two years together became more and more vivid as the bottle grew more and more empty. He remembered, with almost alarming clarity, the many times they’d cooked dinner together, sharing a bottle of wine, and laughing and talking about all or nothing as the meal was prepared. Without trying, he could recall exactly the way the bathroom would smell after she’d had a bath, the scent of her flowery shampoo everywhere. As he lay on the sofa, the now empty bottle of firewhiskey laying forgotten on the floor, he could practically feel her body against his side, the precise way she’d felt as she’d leaned against him as they’d sat together on countless nights, reading. How she’d sometimes put her book down, and turn to look at him, a soft smile playing on her lips. That smile that had never failed to make him feel like his heart was somehow suddenly to big for his chest.

He loved her, goddamn it, why didn’t she see that?!

That annoying little voice in the back of his head that he had tried to kill with alcohol chose that exact moment to wake up, and share its thoughts on the matter. _“Because you never told her.”_

_“But she should have known anyway! What about all the things I’ve done for her? When she got drunk at Arthur’s birthday party, and I held her hair while she threw up, and then carried her home? Or when I spent Christmas with her parents and grandparents? Or when I took her to France for her birthday? Actions speak louder than words!”_

_“Yes, yes, you’ve done a lot for her. But it doesn’t change the fact that you couldn’t give her the one thing she asked of you.”_

_“For the love of—! I hold her when she cries; I laugh with her; I listen to her thoughts and opinions, even when she’s being unbearably stuffy! I take care of her when she’s sick, let her have her peace and quiet when she wants it. Hell, someday I might even have married her…had children with her…”_

_“Why didn’t you tell her all these things? Why won’t you tell her you love her?”_

_“…I’ll be there for her.”_

**_I'll be there for you_ **  
**_These five words I swear to you_ **  
**_When you breathe, I want to be the air for you_ **  
**_I'll be there for you_ **  
**_I'd live and I'd die for you_ **  
**_Steal the sun from the sky for you_ **  
**_Words can't say what a love can do  
_ _I'll be there for you_**

_She’d taken him to Hyde Park, even though she knew he hated walking, especially the holding-hands-and-stopping-every-now-and-then-to-kiss kind. But he’d gone with her, because he wanted to see her smile._

_It had been a lovely autumn’s day, the sun shining down upon them through trees covered in yellow, brown, and red leaves. They’d walked along the paths, surrounded by Muggles. Children had been running around, chasing each other; runners enjoying the cool, fresh air had passed them; dogs had been running around on the lawns, making Hermione laugh softly when she’d seen Sirius’ wistful look._

_She hadn’t taken his hand, hadn’t tried to kiss him. Not in any way had she forced him into the romantic nonsense she knew he hated. She’d just walked by his side, talking about this and that: things that had happened during her week at work at St. Mungo’s, or news about her parents, or the Weasleys, or just random thoughts that crossed her mind. After a while, she’d stopped to admire the view as the light fell through the trees._

_Sirius had stopped to admire her._

_She’s had her eyes closed, enjoying the warmth of the late October sun on her face. Her hair had blown softly around her face, the sunlight making it shift from brown to a deep golden. Without opening her eyes, she’d reached up and tried to tuck the wayward curls behind her ear, the strands slipping through her fingers again and again._

_Smiling, Sirius had finally reached out a hand, tucking that errant curls behind her ear himself. Without hesitating, he’d let his hand continue down, caressing her throat, the nape of her neck, until he finally grasped her shoulder. Pulling her close, he’d placed a soft kiss on top of her head._

_Hermione had looked up at him, smiling, her eyes shining with both surprise and happiness, and Sirius had smiled back down at her. Then she’d put her arm around his waist and rested her head on his shoulder, and they’d continued to walk along, talking, laughing. Stopping every once in a while to share a kiss._

_Yes, it had been a lovely autumn’s day._

**_The End_ **

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments mean more to me than chocolate! <3


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